At a lost for words

This weekend I realized I had not been blogging much lately. I wasn’t sure exactly why, but have just not been in a big blogging mood. Yes we had the long holiday weekend in there that was very busy and of course work was busy, but in the evening hours when I normally do most if not all of my blogging I realized I was not near the computer or didn’t care to be. 


Honestly it was not until I was in the middle of Church Sunday that I realized why. As I sat next to one of my sons, I looked over at him and realized it was becuase of him. Maybe it was a realization or maybe God opened my eyes to it, I am not sure. But it hit me like a ton of bricks. Ever since I thought I almost lost him the week before last, I had taken a step away from blogging. I really had no interest in it for a while. 

The evening hours were spent more with family and even doing mundane things than they were blogging. Which I am sure many will think “well that is where they should be spent”.

I haven’t talked a lot about the accident or anything since it happened but it came to me on Sunday that now is the time and this is the place. Why here, on my blog? Because when bad stuff happened when I was deployed, this is where I would turn. It gave me a release, an out if you will. It allowed me to lightly vent here and relieve some of the burden of stress in combat, so why not here at home like so many other non-milbloggers do (i.e. regular bloggers that write about whatever). 

So almost two weeks ago while visiting a military base where I had some meetings, while on a con call, my wife called me. Since I was on the con-call I let it go to voicemail, with a plan to call her back later. But then a second call came in from her back to back, which is our internal way of saying PICK UP NOW! I answered and in a bad cell area in the building got enough of the message from her to know that a friend of mine drove by the intersection where my son was just T-boned at a high rate of speed by someone running a red light. She knew they were taking him by ambulance to the hospital but did not know much else about how he was. She was on her way home to drop off our other son and race to the hospital. She told me she would call when she knew more. 

I know the intersection well where he was hit as it is near the house and is a very popular intersection for accidents, especially those that are caused by running red lights. As I signed off the call and told the guys I had to go and a quick summary of what happened, I grabbed my stuff and raced up the stairs. I found myself half-walking and half-running down the hill to my rental car and then recoginized that familiar old feeling of Mr. Adrenalin running through my body. My mind was racing 1000 mph thinking all sorts of things (how bad, was he dead, was he maimed, was he a vegtable, would this keep him from starting college this fall, was anyone else hurt, was he somehow at fault, was the other guy drunk, etc. etc). Imagine all those thoughts and quesitons running through your head in a matter of 1-3 seconds. Well that is the way it was as I headed to my car.

I was also thinking about how I would need to get back to the hotel and start packing, call the airlines and explain the situation in case I had to go back, and who I would have to notify that I would not be where I planned to be for the rest of the week. Again, all of that processing at the same time as everything else. 

Then about 2/3 of the way to the car, I sort of paused..just slowing to a stop and a slow walk and the worst came to mind. I remember praying “Dear God, please don’t let him be one of those front page headlines and statistics BOY WHO JUST GRADUATED KILLED A FEW DAYS AFTER GETTING DIPLOMA”. See he had just walked the stage a few days before and has an aspiring college career in front of him and it always seems to be those types of people that get killed and make the headlines so the public can say ‘what a shame’ or ‘what a waste’. I soooo feared he would be that kid and instead of celebrating at his Grad party we would be making funeral arrangements. 

As I slowly walked to the rental car (almost as if I didn’t walk fast then the inevitable would never happen) my eyes filled full of tears as I thought those worst of things. But as I put my stuff in the car and then sat in it for a few minutes, an idea popped into my head. I was imagining all these terrible things becuase I had no idea what the situation was. But my good friend did know, becuase he had called my wife. At that point I sort of snapped out of it and realized I could just call him. 

So I called him and left a voicemail asking him to call me back. Which he did about 30 seconds after I left the message. His words were very re-assuring, that my son was up and talking, a little confused and banged around but my friend had a conversation with him and felt my son would be ok, ot at least appeared to be. Those were awesome words to hear because it allowed me to put things in perspective and think more rationally. It appeared be was not so close to death as I feared and that since he was up and talking and held a conversation with my friend that he must be fairly ok. 

Bottom line is compared to what happened and how destroyed the car is, he came out pretty good. He was injured, but was not on his death-bed as I feared. 

So as I sat in the church pew on Sunday and looked at him sitting next to me, and I realized that was one of the biggest reasons why I had not blogged much lately. In the grand scheme of things it was not near as important as spending some quality time with my family and especially my son. 

It was also a reminder not to take people for granted in this world. Not to ever miss the chance to tell a loved one “I love you” or to take a moment and talk to a good friend (and not just email or txt them). It doesn’t matter if they are heading to the store real quick or taking an extended trip. Never forget we can be gone in a second, so make every second count. 

With all that said, I will continue blogging and hopefully writing decent stuff about topics that people care to read about. I just hope if it is not as much as normal that you bear with me and keep checking in every once in a while. 

Thanks for reading….


10 thoughts on “At a lost for words”

  1. Wow I didn’t realize you had to wait so long to find out about Jordan’s condition and I am sure it seemed even much longer than it really was. God was looking after our boy that day and I am so glad no one was riding with him. I bet Christine was a basketcase until she seen how he was. It really is important to tell those you love that you do love them and I love you. Hope to see you soon.

  2. I wholeheartedly 2nd Marilyn’s statement. So glad to know your son is not a statistic and that you will get to hear the wife complain about doing the laundry he brought home from college. 🙂

  3. Hi Troy…I am so sorry to hear about Jordan’s accident, but so happy to hear that he is ok. How scary that must have been for you. I hope that he is recovering well. I was in an accident myself in May. Still in physical therapy three times a week for it. I’m sending good thoughts your way. xo

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